Revelations from the home front

Hi everyone!

I know it's been a while, but I have gotten a few requests for "updates" from back in Cheeseburger land. I know there are a few of you lurking out there still waiting to see if this update ever comes, and so, with gusto, here it is.

I am, to put it quite simply, perhaps the happiest I've ever been. I'm living off campus with my friend Margaux, my roommate from last year. I'm co-chair of CC's Honor Council, a passion of mine since I came to CC nearly three years ago. I'm back working at the Circulation desk at the library, a job that seems less like a job and more like a hobby. And I'm applying for a summer fellowship to work at CC's Admissions office this summer--something I've been excited about applying for since freshman year.

Last block I took Archaeology of the African Diaspora, a class that I didn't expect to love but came out inspired for further study. I was supposed to take Nutrition this block but actually dropped it in favor of another diaspora-based class, Africana Philosophy. This class is constantly blowing my mind, and I love everything about it. It's crazy to think that these are the kinds of courses that could inspire the next ten years of my education, but there you go. I've almost decided that academia is the life for me. I love school too much and too deeply to give it up. I'm not talking about grad school right after college, but I do think school is where I belong. It's brought me to a sort of peace with my education. I'm doing exactly what a liberal arts education begs you to do--take the classes you love and find a way to make it what you do, instead of trying to learn to love something you simply don't.

I finally feel as though I've found a balance in my life. A balance between social and alone time and the right (at least for me) balance between work and play. I found out I'm going to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico for spring break with my best friend. Not for the traditional ten days of drunken debauchery expected of my peers, but rather for a relaxing few days on the beach learning how to surf and scuba dive with Jessie.

It's strange to consider, but in these days, as I move from meeting to meeting and place to place, that these might be the happiest days of my life. But as soon as I have that thought, I reject it--because now that I know what it's like to be happy (really, truly happy. Who knew this place actually existed for an echo boomer with strong perfectionist and idealistic streaks?), I want to believe that I will be able to recreate this balance from here forward. No, not everything is perfect in my life. Not everything is going exactly according to plan. But India (yes, India) brought me to this place. Let me see if I can explain:

I think I wrote a little before I left about feeling that everything was just going to be okay. I reached this point near the end of my travels where I gave up on worrying and gave up trying to control every situation. I started to feel like everything would just work itself out. Obviously, I have to play a significant role in my own life (and if I want something, I have to work for it), but it's like the serenity prayer... God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things that I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. I don't necessarily believe in God any more than I did before I left for the subcontinent, but I think I may have finally found the "wisdom" to tell the difference.

It's incredibly freeing to be so "zen," in this swirling vortex of academia. All I can say is that India somehow taught me, in all it's frustrating moments and times when I wanted nothing more than to give up on it, that I am strong enough to deal with whatever comes my way. And I know that in these passing moments I may feel overwhelmed... but I also know that no matter what, everything will be okay in the end.

I don't know how accurately I'm able to define these "zen" moments, but I hope my description has been good enough to assure you all that I am happy and healthy. I am feeling at peace with the present, thankful for the past and my experiences, and excited to see what the future holds. I know, somehow, that things will work out for the best.